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Sayings and Puns about Computer & Software

M$: Our software of tomorrow will make sure that on your hardware of tomorrow everything will work at the usual speed.

Who is General Failure? And why is he reading my harddisk?

In the beginning was the Word. The Word is NOT a trademark of Microsoft!

Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated, and all your code will serve the collective! [Variation of the BORG standard greeting]

HAL 9000 [nervous]: "Dave, put down those Windows disks!!!"


Microsofts software development department seems to be either braindead, or held hostage by bureaucracy.

The UNIX GUI is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are.

It is a feature, not a bug!

Ceterum censeo MS-DOS esse delendam — trust me, I know what I'm deleting [Latin; Translation: Furthermore, I consider that MS-DOS must be destroyed]


 

A list with 50 smart quotations providing deep insights and a lot of practical wisdom can be found here.

Computer Industry Acronyms

PCMCIA
People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
WWW
World Wide Wait
COBOL
Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
LISP
Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
DOS
Defective Operating System
OS/2
Obsolete Soon 2
BASIC
Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM
I Blame Microsoft
SAP
Slow And Painful
BSDO
Blue Screen of Death
Google
Gradually Overcoming Our Ghastly Legal Environment
Yahoo
You Always Have Other Options

Microsoft - Bugs

FOCUS Magazine Interview (1995) with Bill Gates

[…]

FOCUS
But there are bugs an any version which people would really like to have fixed.
Bill Gates
No! There are no significant bugs in our released software that any significant number of users want fixed.
FOCUS
Oh, my God. I always get mad at my computer if MS Word swallows the page numbers of a document which I printed a couple of times with page numbers. If I complain to anybody they say "Well, upgrade from version 5.11 to version 6.0.
Bill Gates
No! If you really think there's a bug you should report a bug. Maybe you're not using it properly. Have you ever considered that?
FOCUS
Yeah, I did ...

[…]

Here is the link to the source which also has a translation of the Focus Interview in Italiano, Español, and Japanese.

 



The content of some parts of this web-site is a colorful potpourri collected over the years (especially the pages "project management" and "computer jokes". The various items were "quasi" found in the vastness of the Internet and the E-mail archives (this also implies that the original sources are unknown). They represent a careful and thoughtful collection, since only high-quality items were taken into consideration to join this illustrious club - from the top shelf - so to speak.